My Least Favorite Song | My Lovely Lady Lumps
Let me tell you a sad story.
There was a hip-hop group from Los Angeles. They were a cool little indie group (so to speak) in the mold of Jurassic 5 or A Tribe Called Quest. They had that vibe about them, positive themes and a similar sound. They released a couple of records, Behind the Front and Bridging the Gap, which were both fairly well-received and spawned some moderate hit singles.
For their third record, though, they added a secret weapon. They hired another singer, a woman, moderately talented and attractive, which changed up their image somewhat. She added a different dimension to what they were capable of producing, singing hooks and occasionally leading entire songs as the featured vocalist. Fergie changed their game.
Thus was the modern incarnation of the Black Eyed Peas born. And they are terrible.
I hate to sound like a hipster, I really do. Even if I, you know, am one. But their old sound was great. They were truly part and parcel of one of my favorite styles of hip-hop music, and I enjoyed what they produced.
Yeah, that’s right, I’m saying it: their old stuff was better.
I haven’t liked any of the songs I’ve heard after their second album, which includes more of their catalog than one would expect from a band that I now openly loathe. That said, there is one that stands head and shoulders above them all, in fact, head and shoulders above all songs, as my least favorite:
“My Humps”.
I venture that not only is this song my least favorite song, not only is it the worst song on the record on which it appears, not only is it the worst song in their catalog; no, it is much worse than that. “My Humps” is the worst song ever released as a single. Not just by them, but by any musician or group. I would even conjecture that it’s the worst pop song ever recorded, except I have not heard most pop music, thus making it statistically likely that there’s been something worse put to record of which I have the good fortune to be entirely unaware.
On one hand, I can’t blame the band; it’s been an unqualified positive for the Black Eyed Peas themselves to have added Fergie to the mix. They’re much more famous than they were before, presumably much more wealthy, able to affect greater social change, etc.
On the other hand, they used to make really, really good, occasionally edging on great, music. I thought they were a band I’d be listening to and championing for a long time to come. Instead, they now regularly release singles that I’m embarrassed to listen to; I would not be able to look at myself in the mirror if I’d recorded them.
Because I’d be fucking dead after having slit my wrists in a warm bath.
(Remember, kids, it’s down the block, not across the street!)
I think there’s a reason this song stands out as the worst song ever released as a single. Or simply the worst song ever. To me, it’s because not only is it the most awful bastardization of “music” that I have ever heard, but because it was a huge commercial hit. That means countless people paid money to make the Black Eyed Peas and other people think it was of a quality higher than sludge, which clearly it is not.