I Held You Closer

30 Nov | personal / writing | 2 comments

I woke up a little late, but not too late that I was going to be late. The extra few minutes of sleep were very well received by my tired body.

The sky was overcast, but the weather was as perfect as it has ever been in my world. It was raining lightly, intermittently. The temperature was as lovely as I could have asked, just right for my sweater and jacket.

As it happened, there was no rush. As soon as I got in the subway station, the train rolled to a stop, and I got on. There was an ever-so-slight delay, but I was still five minutes early to meet my friend for our work-related day trip.

We went to the coffee shop where I used to work. Behind the counter stood my favorite-ever coworker, who also happens to be one of my closest friends. She genuinely lit up when she saw me.

It made me happy to see someone I love so soon in the day, and unexpectedly.

We made our way, the straggling holiday vacationers opening the way with their absence.

The workday was, for me, uneventful. I read a little, packed a few boxes. I was also given a pair of gifts: Andrei Tarkovsky’s Solaris and David Cronenberg’s The Fly.

The drive home was almost surreal. The roadway was not empty; there are too many people for that to be the case in any situation. Nevertheless, the cars were moving, moving with speed and grace, considerate, something I never believed I would see here.

I met another of my closest friends for dinner. We had Italian and ice cream (not gelato), and I was unconcerned about the cost; it just felt good to be with someone who cares about me.

I came home late, showered, and fell asleep with Solaris silently casting shadows across my eyes.


  1. Marc Fort

    I wish I could write an entry like this everyday, in order to remind myself of my life. This is a perfect entry as far as I’m concerned. Writing with economy while still being poetic.

    Hopefully, this summer you and I can meet for lunch in the city. I’m trying my best to get up there.

    • Jesse

      Thank you for your kind words. I’ll look forward to meeting up with you anytime you’re here.